Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend.
No man has more friends than when his star is in ascendance, when his hand is on the scepter, when his paycheck is freshly cashed. A ‘fair-weather friend’ is a common sight. The halls of power flock with them. On a small scale, though, every child is unusually fond of the one with the cool toy (or unusually tetchy), and every man, when he publicly succeeds, finds himself with some new friends.
Such friends are false. The Rabshakeh, amidst his mockery and vileness, gets their nature right: “Behold, you are trusting now in Egypt, that broken reed of a staff, which will pierce the hand of any man who leans on it. Such is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all who trust in him” (1 Kings 18:21). The man who trusts in a fair-weather friend soon finds that the friendship is predicated upon the fair weather. So soon as the squall blows in….
Yet we sons of Adam and daughters of Eve are prone to mistaking jollity and amiability and pleasantness for reality. Flatterers, jocular companions, and intrigued acquaintances appear, and at first we’re happy to have them. They are good company, admittedly, while the money lasts or the power persists. Then, when rough times come, they melt away, slithering by with excuses and silence and, occasionally, brutal honesty. They were friends to the money, to the power, to the thrill and the inner circle.1 We find this out, in the storm, and we find ourselves betrayed, hurt, vicious in vituperating against ourselves (for trusting) and others (for being traitors). Worse, we at times alienate even the true friend, unable to see him amidst his imitator’s treachery. Next time, I won’t be so easily fooled.
That may be as may be.
How do we tell the true friend apart from the false? Here are four tests that form a good start- and a set of supplements to them all.
First, consider a friend’s motivations as revealed in his actions and his words. What does he want? Is he present only when the money is being spent? Does he mysteriously fade when the small troubles surface, when you reveal anything of the troubles which hold onto all of us, however rich or powerful? When does he seek you out, and when must he be sought out?
Second, consider the counsel a friend gives. Does it comport to Scripture (Acts 17:11)? Are his words consistently wise? Do they work towards a particular end, and is that end a problem? Consistent, deepening, tempered wisdom is nigh impossible to fake, and it’s a trait are indeed in the fair-weather friend, for wisdom is a whole, and wisdom weighs against betrayal. Mere good behavior, note, doesn’t constitute proof; plenty say they’re Christian as aren’t, and many Christians are less righteous than they represent. We’re all less righteous than we ought to be.
Third, look at how this friend deals with his other friends. Has he left others aside upon their suffering’s commencement? Is he a repeated turncoat, al a many a politician? Does he chameleon not just in his manners (for different places call for different etiquette) but in his opinions, his virtue? Alternately, has he been faithful in the past? Has he been (when seen clearly, not by the first one to speak or the only) the long-suffering betrayed? Each of these weigh in understanding his character.
Fourth, consider your history with him overall. If he became your friend only after the wealth or the success, that’s not a death knell. He may simply not have noticed prior; he may have been in no situation prior to befriend you or be befriended; he may have come at that time due to banal or virtuous circumstances in his own life, independent of you. Each of us is the protagonist of our own story (if only, at best, the apprentice hero, the sidekick to Christ, learning to become the hero (Eph. 5:1)), but the world’s story is bigger than each of us, a medley of our stories with everybody else’s. Nevertheless, this friend’s history with you is a data point to be considered. How did he regard you before being your friend? When did you start this close relationship? Has he betrayed you before? Put the pieces together.
In applying these four, remember that wisdom would have us hold a man innocent until his guilt is proven, but it would also have us see when that guilt is proven. Do not be hasty to believe evil of a man. When caution is merited, however, take caution.
Further, we must anchor ourselves ever with that true Friend, who will not leave us, who is better to us than David to Jonathan or Jonathan to David, who will never treat us as Rehoboam’s friends treated him. Thus, in looking at men around us, we should steep ourselves in His word, in prayer, and in counsel from the wise among His people, as seen by the work of His Spirit in His word and in our lives. Friends will betray us, as Job discovered to his anguish (Job 16:2), though that betrayal comes in gradations (17:5, 19:19; 42:7). The Lord our God, however, holds fast to faith everlasting (Ps. 110:4; Is. 9:7; Mal. 3:6; Jam. 4:15). He will not leave or forsake us (Deut. 31:6), though He send us rough weather indeed (Job 12:9; Is. 41:4), and therefore at last we who rest in Him shall have peace, without treachery and with fellowship eternal.
God bless.
1 – See C.S. Lewis’s That Hideous Strength.
Sanctuary Functional Medicine, under the direction of Dr Eric Potter, IFMCP MD, provides functional medicine services to Nashville, Middle Tennessee and beyond. We frequently treat patients from Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Ohio, Indiana, and more... offering the hope of healthier more abundant lives to those with chronic illness.
Colson Potter writes copious fiction and nonfiction, including a weekly Proverbs post and his blog at Creational Story.
