He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
The two great passions of mankind are marriage and death. In ‘marriage’ is gathered not merely itself but family, sex, and all relationship with our fellow man, all authority and cooperation, the smallest thing which society is an outworking of; in ‘death’ is gathered not only itself but sin, violence, and all relationship with God, in relationship to whom all righteousness and unrighteousness exist. Stories attach to us, as a rule, through these two passions, and this verse in proverbs addresses both forthrightly.
God instituted marriage and thus family at the first, in the Garden (Gen. 2). Long before Aaron or the apostles led the church, long before Noah received the commission of the civil government (Gen. 9:5-6), mankind was given the family for his governance and ordering, for the fundament of man’s relationship with his fellow man.
Proverbs 18:22 declares to us this truth: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” The corollary, that she who finds a good husband finds also “a good thing,” is clear. (No shrift may be given to the monstrosity which melds the sexes, oppressing the difference between them which is foundational to marriage.) Marriage and family, its fruit, are triply the centerpoint of vocation, of God’s calling to men.
First, in marriage we have an image of Christ’s salvific work for His church (Eph. 5:22-33; Ez. 23). The marriage covenant is an image of the covenant of grace, of the unity by which we as a body die in Him and live also in Him (Rom. 6:4-5). The salvation covenant excels the other, of course, in that as per Genesis 15:12-17 God alone has the capacity to break or to work it, not we ourselves (who can break the marriage covenant by our imperfection (Matt. 5:32)).
Second, in marriage’s fruit, in procreation by natural means of by adoption we have a symbol and imitation (a ‘secondary creation’) of His creating work, who made man and the angels, even (in a more remote but still, as assured by the language of Scripture, accurate sense) of the begetting of the Son by the Father.
Third, marriage and family form the highest and most enduring fruit a man can work. By marriage (or its parody), man creates new life, a prerogative given to men which should fill us with wonder always, which every new parent must find himself or herself impressed with, even overcome, though it may be on the periphery of their joy. The greatness of this gift and this potential, this capacity to start what will last eternally, must not be denigrated or forgotten.
Because of these surpassing excellencies, because of the intimacy of these connections- father and child, wife and husband, kin with kin, we find that breaking in these relationships is more painful than in any save our relationship with God, the most central of all relationships and the foundation for them all. Divorce, estrangement from children, enmity between siblings, it breeds a depth of suffering and hatred and fear and trauma (trauma engraved in both soul and body, for even the peripheral participants) which, save for God’s grace, can shatter a man.
But what about 1 Corinthians 7:38? “So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better,” Paul says, a verse I wot to be popular with the monastic orders. The answer may be found in the earlier part of the chapter: “Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that…. For the present form of this world is passing away” (v28,31).
Paul warns the Corinthians to abstain from unnecessary (v2) marriages not because of a problem with marriage but as a prudential matter: if they get married, they will deal with Extraordinary Issues. What issues? The passing of the “present form of this world,” meaning the destruction of Jerusalem and its Jewish order of religion, the Old Covenant which defined the ancient world falling before the New Covenant which would redefine it, creating this the New Testament era, an era then, in 1 Corinthians 7, already inaugurated and accomplished but not yet unfurled completely to the world.
We who now live in that new order following Christ’s death and the revelation of that death, in the church after the destruction of Jerusalem, we should of course take thought to marriage’s prudential aspects; at some times, marriage in itself is a foolish decision, except by personal need or calling. Yet the rule is that marriage and family, the fruit of marriage (but far from its sum) are a summit to man-on-earth, a high and noble part of man’s work in joy for His glory. Better, I say, a good father than a good king- but let’s not start into another topic.
God bless.
Sanctuary Functional Medicine, under the direction of Dr Eric Potter, IFMCP MD, provides functional medicine services to Nashville, Middle Tennessee and beyond. We frequently treat patients from Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Ohio, Indiana, and more... offering the hope of healthier more abundant lives to those with chronic illness.
Colson Potter writes copious fiction and nonfiction, including a weekly Proverbs post and his blog at Creational Story.
