Proverbs 16:18 ESV
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
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Maturity is a difficult art, one in which every summit turns out to be a valley and every victory only the start. For every moment in which we are satisfied with our heart and our actions, there’ll be another where all that victory falls apart, the apparent strength exposed by a new pressure for the flimsiness it is. Over time, we know, the hard work pays off. Our maturity grows, little by little, but at the end we find ourselves more often failing than at the beginning- not because we’re worse, because we’re not, but because we’re so much better at recognizing our failures. This is a process which has no end upon this earth.
What do I mean by ‘maturity’ here? Maturity is a combination of humility and self-control. The first element is humility: to know oneself for what one is, and to be willing to forgive or bypass the unpleasant. Humility is the virtue of looking with clear eyes at God above, at people around, and at the earth beneath, setting myself into that context as I truly am, and refusing to place myself foremost. It lies further in being slow to anger (James 1:19), in refusing to take offense for the sake of oneself (Prov. 19:11), and in submitting all elements of life to God’s command.
The second element is self-control. To control myself is to rule my emotions and not be ruled. I must master my fear, my anger, my desire; I must reign them in and direct them towards their proper ends and their proper character. I must rule also my love, my compassion, my empathy, and all those other impulses which we stereotype as good, for a virtue misdirected is itself a vice (what else is idolatry but piety towards the wrong deity (Ez. 23:39)?). Each emotion and desire must be subjected to God’s law, both in its object and in how it relates to that object, so that I love what and who I ought to love in the ways proper to each.
Maturity is hard-won and uncongenial to the human temperament. We natively want to let our desires rule us. We want to eat all those cookies, snap at that inconsiderate jerk, blame the other guy for all the problems. What’s more, we’re good at it. We are all experts at justifying what we want so that it seems for a moment the right thing to do- or at least, something we have the right to do. If I want to slack off on my job or say something mean to my friend, I can all too easily justify the first as ‘expected, even deserved,’ and the second as ‘well, he was asking for it.’ If not these, I will have another excuse. Then, if this is pointed out to me- usually by my own conscience, sometimes by another person-, my pride rises up.
See, this is one of the crucial problems of maturity: pride. We want to consider ourselves the center of the universe, implicitly if not explicitly. We set the narrative of the world around ourselves, whether we do it by making ourselves always the victim or always the savior. When something unpleasant comes along, therefore, we lash out at this threat. It may be a just assault- a critique I merited, a fault I am uncomfortably aware of, a responsibility I need to fulfill. It may be an inconvenience- a friend in need, a family member who wants something I don’t, an opportunity I know I ought to take. It may even be an injury, somebody insulting without provocation or a friend speaking hurtfully or a petty display of power by a superior at work. Small or big, provoked or undeserved, though, our pride goads us forward to anger, to self-righteousness, to making this injury a Really Big Deal.
Maturity gives other counsel and course. First, maturity would have us consider the truth of the situation, setting aside ourselves and our injured pride and our emotional attachments. Do we know the truth? Are we at fault? Is the other person at fault or merely mistaken? On the basis of this, then, what should we do? Most crucially, we must exercise self-control in setting aside what we want to do for what we should do, hard as it may be. Second, having found the truth and ascertained how to act, we must act accordingly. Sometimes, that means seeking reconciliation with the other. Sometimes, it means a broken relationship or even open strife, as some problems do indeed merit conflict. Very often, it means swallowing the hurt, setting it aside as unimportant or for later, and staying the course.
Maturity is not an easy thing. It requires us to walk through pain into pain, to re-train our desires and our instincts to God’s dictates, and to set aside our own selves. We must act not as our pride would urge us but as God commands. In this, thankfully, we have an example of perfection, even Christ the Lord. Christ, of all men, was most tested (Matt. 4:1-11). He knew, with intimacy and completeness none of us can match, the suffering he would face in His incarnation and upon the Cross, and He therefore knew it to be a misery beyond all other miseries (Matt. 26:36-46, 27:46). Yet, in pursuit of the righteousness and glory which suits God Almighty, Jesus came and died upon the Cross for our sins, for love of us (Jn. 3:16). Here too we find the final motive which underlies maturity: love for Him, who first loved us (1 Jn. 4:19).
God bless.
Written by Colson Potter.
Sanctuary Functional Medicine, under the direction of Dr Eric Potter, IFMCP MD, provides functional medicine services to Nashville, Middle Tennessee and beyond. We frequently treat patients from Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Ohio, Indiana, and more... offering the hope of healthier more abundant lives to those with chronic illness.
