Proverbs 16:27 ESV
A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.
[https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+16%3A27&version=ESV]
When dealing with a difficult relationship, we have two impulses: first, to cut them out as soon as possible and (try to) never look back; second, to hold on forever, thinking that perhaps one last interaction can get the relationship back on track. Which one we choose usually depends on why we’re in that relationship in the first place (friend, family, co-worker, etc.), how long it’s been going on, and our individual temperament at the given moment. Needless to say, the choices we make don’t always work out. If history speaks true, people are adept at abandoning relationships that could have recovered and continuing relationships that were purest misery. The Bible gives us direction, though, even if it’s often not easy to apply.
First, we must establish that breaking off a relationship, under most circumstances, is a legitimate option. In some cases, like marriage or kinship, specific grievances may be necessary (infidelity of commission or extreme neglect, in marriage, or extreme violation of God’s law, in direct familial relationships). Even here, though, separation to some extent is often warranted. For example, an uncle or aunt who is nothing but trouble may be wise to limit interaction with. Nevertheless, both separation and actual termination of relationship require certain justifications.
Second, the nature and history of the relationship always matter. A marital relationship is inestimably stronger than a co-worker relationship. A friendship of years, tried and tested, requires much more reason to end than, say, an acquaintanceship forged by occasional twenty-minute exchange of niceties and superficial conversation at church. The bond between children of God, too, is quite strong, so that the temporary or permanent severance of it, in excommunication, is as near the death sentence as the church is authorized to give (1 Cor. 5:11-13).
Third, if a relationship is of a continuing nature, then we should not be the ones giving the reason for ending it, even if we are the ones acting on that reason to end it. In a relationship such as that between me and the salesman who came to my door, I have no obligation to continue it. On the other end of the spectrum, in a marriage, continuity till death is obligatory, and brotherhood in Christ has no end. In between are the harder cases. A superficial friendship may have no reason to continue. A strong relationship may taper off, losing its vitality not because of sin but because the persons involved have greater responsibilities and interests, eventually ending itself.
In cases where we end a relationship deliberately, however, we must seek that the reason for it is not our behavior. We must not break the relationship, even when we recognize that it is broken. Proverbs 16:27, today’s verse, provides an example of how people can break relationships. Sometimes we establish a relationship or are placed into one by circumstance, only to realize that the other person is, to put it bluntly, a fool. Over time, he demonstrates that he is a worthless man (how much time? It depends on how blatant and extreme the foolishness it). Such a man will break the relationship.
Fourth, if a relationship is broken, we must assess if we have a responsibility to fix it. On a certain level, all relationships are broken, because we are broken people, sinful and flawed. In love for each other, though, we are to seek to help each other, to cultivate righteousness and peace and joy in Him (1 Cor. 13:11; Gal.5:13). Scripture gives us two clear instructions, however, as to when we are to depart from a relationship: first, when it is merely a temptation, as in Psalm 1:1 and Proverbs 4:14; second, when, having sought to aid another, he has refused very thoroughly to listen (Prov. 26:4). Christ lays out this second case quite clearly in Matthew 18:15-20, where He directs us that when we have discord with another child of God, we are to seek reconciliation- first personally, then with aid, then through the church. At the end, though, if he persists in refusing reconciliation, the relationship is over (and reconciliation means not just lip-service, not word-apologies only, but true repentance which includes a change of heart and deed).
Fifth, in all this, our mainstay, our foundation, and our standard should be our relationship with God. This is a relationship we would shatter, if we could, with every sin, but one which Christ in His infinite mercy works with us. In Him, we have “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control,” (Gal. 5:22-23), in Him also the “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace,” (Is. 9:6), in Him, the honor which is given in Psalm 149: “Let the high praises of God be in their throats and two-edged swords in their hands, to execute vengeance on the nations… to execute on them the judgment written!” (6-9). In Him if our joy and our strength, for He is become our salvation (Ex. 15:2).
God bless.
Written by Colson Potter.
Sanctuary Functional Medicine, under the direction of Dr Eric Potter, IFMCP MD, provides functional medicine services to Nashville, Middle Tennessee and beyond. We frequently treat patients from Kentucky, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Ohio, Indiana, and more... offering the hope of healthier more abundant lives to those with chronic illness.